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    Monday, June 8, 2009

    Eye-offending Brine @ 6:57 PM



    Happiness when you move on, & Happiness that was right there.


    A question with no answers. Which is better? Who knows.
    I would prefer the Happiness that was right there.
    But maybe when the right thing was to move on and be happy.
    Its better if i didnt exist sometimes, i didnt have to think.
    Never will i remember, or have memories of anything i love.
    Didnt have thoughts or even feelings. Isnt it great?

    Thanks for all those that tried to talk some sense into me. (:
    But im sorry to say, im not okay. Really sorry.
    I just cant stop thinking, or stop crying at all. I've tried so hard.
    But everything i try to sleep and when i open my eyes.
    Every single little thing in my room just reminded me of him.
    Memories would just start appearing in my mind.
    Its just like a nightmare repeating. I cry whenever my eyes open.
    Eventhough how pain or swollen my eyes is, i just cant stop.
    Telling myself to stop, but everytime that happens. I cry more.
    What am i suppose to do? Disappear somehow? But how.
    Panda, Katkat, Pork and others. Im sorry. I just cant be okay.
    I tried to hear you guys talk, but it just doesnt work.
    Everything i've done has a consequence to it, so now i've to pay.
    Im tired of life, feelings, love, dreams and hope. Its pointless to me.
    He was right, i dont even have the heart for anything.
    All i know how to do is play. So now, everything seem so empty.
    Life feels empty for me already. Nothing to move ahead to.
    So how can i be happier when you're asking me to move on with life.
    I cant even study. Im so useless to this world and to anyone.
    Always claim that im a kind girl. Im just some devil sent on earth.
    Sent to hurt everyone that i love and make them hate me.
    Im a sinner, not worthy to be living. Not worthy to anyone at all.
    So whats the point? Even the book of answers cant answer me.
    Maybe even this world have already given up hope on me.
    No expectations for me anymore, cos im just some useless freak.
    Those that loved me, end up hating me even more if i lived any longer.
    Maybe a goodbye would be the best last word to say. Goodbye.
    -

    To pay this debt of love.
    Peixun, my heart's always yours.



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