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    Tuesday, December 29, 2009

    Congratulations, I hate you. @ 3:33 AM
    Im thinking about my past once again. Now that the year is going to end, maybe it was just time for me to reflect on things that i have done this year. 2009 wasnt as bad afterall, learnt many things in this year. Time flies, faster than before. Its time to mature, time to face reality, time to grow up, its really time to be myself, back to what i want to be. The peaceful life that i always wanted to have. I accepted someone new, which i never knew i could have done with my will power. Hopefully i didnt make a wrong move that will end up hurting us both. I love you too, X.

    Went Amk Macdonalds meet Elgin and Bao for dinner. Some things happened that reminded me of awful past, memories and friends that i had. Almost cried out, i hate it, hate the scenes. Really want to be back having peaceful life. Waited Poon come meet us then cab to lan. Waited Jane come, didnt h2h as planned since we were both alright already. AhB came early in the morning, miracle! I know you missed me too much. Watched movies all the way, dinner. & Finally home. :)



    Sunday, December 27, 2009

    Trying to get a little bit tipsy. @ 8:19 PM
    Koh Xuange, My sweet lovely AhB.
    120908/2312092231 ' Thanks for always being with me.
    It wasnt easy for us to be really together, finally.
    I love you. Im Yours, only yours. ♥



    Saturday, December 26, 2009

    The difference, i just cant get used to. @ 3:58 AM
    Yes, photos are uploaded already. Its on the post below. Lazy to edit photos nowadays. Others on facebook as usual. Went do my hair which turned out quite screwed because the colour didnt come out. Ohwell. Four fucking hours sitting at the salon; fell asleep countless times, tired. Went Toapayoh for MosBurger dinner. AhB sent me home, took photos. Fell asleep after that. Feel so exhausted out this few days. I have no idea why, i just hate to be at home suddenly when i really wanted stay home for good. They wont stop nagging which piss me off badly. FML. Just shutup?



    Merry Christmas @ Sjb. @ 2:14 AM








    Friday, December 25, 2009

    Last Christmas, I gave you my heart. @ 9:17 AM
    Got out of house late last night, couldnt decide if really wanted to go out or not. At last, i've decided go find Baby & Co. Ate dinner. Tanwei, Lynn, Chongyong, Deric, Priscilla, Andre, Celina, Gin, Poon, Jane, Josh, Chris was all there. I went Cymon's house give face, while the others went back home and some went Jane's house. Sorry Daddy, couldnt celebrate with you guys, but i still love you guys loads alright! Went off 11plus, fetch Cy and went Sjb. Totally screwed up my first time celebrating Christmas outside. Nothing to do, but stone. Took some cute photos though. Satisfied. Didnt sleep, feel weak, cough nonstop. AhB seems tired, feel so heart pain. Update when im home. Doing my hair later, its going to cost a bomb. Feel so broke and shag. :\

    Koh Xuange, thanks for accompanying me this Christmas. :) Silly pig, sleep more la. Loveloves. ♥



    Wednesday, December 23, 2009

    Love. Because it came without a word. @ 10:47 PM
    Sorry for the late update, was feeling really sick. So decided to rest more instead of using the damn computer. Cant really remember what actually happened the past few days though. :\

    Sunday, went Sjb ton with Baby. Others came next day. Went up to Kuibeh's with Lynn Sister. There were more people there than i expected, cool. Ate bbq, was yummy. We ate finished the prawns! Haha. Chat a little and cabbed down meet Baby, and others & bused home.

    Monday, went down Sjb meet Baby, Lynn Sis, Tw Siaoeh, Elgin Faveboy, Josh and Bao. Trained to Yishun meet Deric, Priscilla and Cy Hubby. Ate Saba for dinner, ohmycraves. Finally decided watch Avatar. Its was awesome \m/ Rahhh, & No fear! Show ended around one. Cabbed down to Sjb with Elgin and Bao. Waited for Daddy come pick me up from there.

    Tuesday, went down Sjb in the morning. Had the craving for Mac breakfast and bought it to eat eventhough i knew i was sick. Waited for Baby to come :] Felt more and more weak so decided to take a nap. Slept loads, Lynn and Jane Sis came down, Rachel, Bob and Junwei too. Cabbed home and slept around 7plus. Felt really weak, just cant stop thinking about you somethings, sigh.

    Wonders if im even going out today, im still feeling sick. Im still coughing, im still having flu. But its Christmas eve. Its amazing, how i get turned off by the smell and look of cigarettes nowadays. 2009's awesome, not as screwed. Just that it didnt end well as expected. Now, its reaching to the end. Hopefully 2010 will have awesome days just like 2009. How i wish, really do. & Lastly, i want to say. Koh Xuange, I love you oh. :D & Merry Christmas to all my friends and loved ones. ♥



    Monday, December 21, 2009

    There's still a warm spot in my heart for you. @ 4:52 PM
    Updates coming tonight, [:
    Something I've decided, Something I've realised, Something You never knew.

    - Going down Sjb to meet the others for movie i guess?



    Saturday, December 19, 2009

    Words that they say in, Jealousy. @ 6:14 AM
    Feel like blogging, but have no idea what to update about. I know recently, i have been hanging out with different people and being at Sjb lan alot. Which made certain people unhappy, but somehow, i just feel free being with them. No restrictions, no nothing. Obviously, it isnt the life i want. Sorry for sudden change in me, i have no choice. Just want break free from this torment. :\


    Thanks AhB, for staying with me recently, i really needed it. You make me smile, you make me go shy, you make me feel loved after so long, you made me realised he wasnt the only one. AhB, i want tell you ily though we both know, that we'll only be happy having this kind of relationship. <3
    -

    Waited for AhB to wakeup, showered, prepared and left house. Went for Macs, then Lynn Sis came. Followed by Chongyong Hubby. Cabbed down to Sjb meet TwSiaoeh, Bao, Mango, Elgin, Jane, Andre and Priscilla. Went back home to shower and take money while the others went JaneSis's house. Was feeling pretty lazy to go out after reached home and movie got cancelled. Changed plan to ton at Sjb instead. Everyone slept, except for me. Watching some stupid horror movie online. Dont know who say want accompany me watch end up all fall asleep. I went home around one plus to bathe and cab back down to Sjb meet AhB, fuck that taxi driver. Trained with JoshBro, LynnSis, TwSiaoeh. Me and AhB went off first. Pasarmarlam-ed with AhB. ♥ Fell asleep at his house while watching tv. Woke me up and send me off to take cab, Thanks Baby. :]



    Thursday, December 17, 2009

    Good morning cigarettes, Hello world. @ 1:53 AM
    Okay, i seriously do need a new phone right now. Its fucking pissing me off like nobody business. I know its been long since i updated too. Not in the best of moods, honestly. I felt sick of working. Just want to go out and have some fun thats all. Really tired out.

    Sunday, met Cheeho and went up to Kuibeh's for dinner. Left one side of my contact lens there. Nice one. Felt really tired then, didnt sleep at all. Wanted to go home and sleep, but Jane wanted someone to pei her cos she was going to take over Superbaby's work in the morning. So i cabbed down Sjb accompany her ton. Watched drama with Gin faveboy and Bao, funny die.

    Josh, Cy, Xg, Andre, Tw, Lynn Sist came too. Waited Jane Sister off work and we all went to her house for mahjong and maggie session. Went down sjb after some swim. Home, take money and clothes. Back to sjb. Slept much. Watched show at counter, shiok die. Went Amk, met Hazel and Dexter, then Yishun safra for pool session. Back to amk, then Lynn Sis, Tw, Bao, & Mango went Baby's house ton with me. :] Slept for really long, while Baby &Mango went off to sjb first.

    Ate cup noodles. Me, Lynn Sis, Tw and Bao cabbed down to Sjb. After much thoughts. Decided to go down Tpy Iciban sushi to eat and find Mango. Ate quite little cos we didnt have much money. After that Tw, Bao, and Chris go Bao house. Me, Lynn Sis and Baby took Mrt back. I feel really hungry now but Baby's sleeping like a pig. Want to go down Sjb to find Jane Sis la. :\ And some idiot just asked me to fuck off &made me very upset. Forget it, really do miss you fuckfuck.
    -

    To think about, its been long since i have spent my days so freely like nobody's business already. Because im bloody jobless and moodless now. Feel like wasting my life away just like that. Had a few h2hs' with people these days too. Hopefully it helped abit? I cant stop craving for cigarettes like honestly. I cant seem to stop the stress, temptation and stop myself. Im very, Sorrysorry.



    Sunday, December 13, 2009

    Screams of lust, we cry. @ 7:38 AM
    Reading my previous posts. See the changes in myself, i feel miserable. I didnt used to cry as much. What happened to me? Why am i addicted to crying to runaway from problems. The first time you made me cry & it never stopped until now. How it became a habit, i only realised now.

    Met up with Darryl, Cuiwen Darling, Cymon Daddy, Jojo Babe, and Marcus @ Monstercue. Forced myself to look okay. But im really not, i feel sick and weak. Im like only eating a meal in a day. Why am i still fat. I feel like giving up on 26th's but i dont want to and this is stressing me to shiatszxc. Hm will be going to Cube awhile later, and after to Kuibeh's. I just wants things back to normal. :\



    Saturday, December 12, 2009

    Abandonded, &Yeah I'm crying. @ 3:01 AM
    Yesterday, work was slack cos i was really tired to do anything. Seriously hate doing opening. Sucks big time. Accompanied Cuiwen darling to Jurong meet Junhao, Zibing, Edmund, Sihan and others. I was just counting the time until i could see someone, cabbed down to Sjb. :] Met Jane Sister & Lynn outside lan. Then Xuange, Tw, Josh, Bao, Elgin. Sent Jane to bus stop. And had some h2h with Josh for quite awhile too. I really dont know what to do anymore, shag. Others all decided to ton. Played audi all the way with Lynn until around 5plus to 6? Went to sleep awhile, wokeup and ate breakfast with Lynn and Tw. Decided to cab home, thanks Baby for sending me. Wanted to go to work early, cos Darling wants me to, but fell asleep. Late for work once again, fuck this shitcrap. Doing usher is really slack and kind of fun. Ate event buffet food. Yum, there goes my diet. Damn, today's closing will be terrible. Hopefully it goes out well. I will miss you, X. ♥



    Thursday, December 10, 2009

    Believe for you & me, the sun will shine one day. @ 2:31 AM
    Okay, there are way loads of photos. So its all uploaded in Facebook already, as usual. Here's just some of them alright. Its been long since updated with photos too. Missing loves like fuckfuck.

    081209, Tuesday.
    Met Cuiwen darling, & Jojo babe at Pasir ris. It's purple sage day again! Went to Pasir ris camp this time. I swear army guys are really desperate. Totally traumatized. After work, went 85 for dinner with Babe and Jiahui. Bused to Era meet Donald duck to take my id back. Played an hour or so & Jo joined them for their Dota game. Went home after that because was quite tired, sorry donald duck! I'll pei you longer another day alright. Babe came my house stayover. Had some h2h until 5am plus then fell asleep. Felt really emotional back then, i just want to stop the pain.


    091209, Today. \m/
    Supposedly going sentosa, all bua stunt dont want come again. Its really pissing me & Cymon off. Thanks to babe, who suggested steamboat at my house. So asked more people to come over and off we go to buy the ingredients. Darryl met us there, thanks! Cymon next, Andre and Bob, then it was AhQiang. Thanks all for coming over. :) Appreciated. We bought too much food too! Damn. Took photos. And watched dvd, played some cards for the losers to finish up the prawns. And its time to go home! Sent everyone to take bus/mrt/cab home. Its quite a tired day, but fun. ♥

    -

    Im sorry for not locking my phone and sent that mms by accident okay? My fault la fuck. _|_ Im like fucking innocent here la dey. FML. & I seriously miss you, Superbaby. Dont wish to continue this kind of relationship between us, its damn annoying. I've let the chance go by a year ago, now again. I really dont know why this has to happen all the time. But honestly, i'd wish you be happy so good luck in everything alright. :) Dont be confused anymore. I love you, my dear friend. It's been 81 days, im still not able to forget the pain. And i never will. I just need someone to care for me right now. I need someone by my side right now, really do. But i just cant seem to accept any.



    Tuesday, December 8, 2009

    Something only love can do. @ 5:04 AM
    Went Tampines mall met Cuiwen, Leonard, Shamira, Iskandar, and Zarool for our movie plan. Was late, guess they forgot about the icecream treat. Ha, new moon was quite boring i guess? Maybe its because my mood's really bad at that time over some matters. But to think of it now, its really nice. I think its kind of a sweet movie though there's nothing much in this series, i know it'll be better for the Eclipse. Pastamania for dinner, took some photos too. Met Nick Bro to return his mp4. And bus home. Obviously there's still things on my mind, still some reminscence there. Sigh.

    Honestly, my mood is getting from bad to worst. I dont know how to fix it. I hate my mother. Why cant she just try to understand me for just once? Im having sleep disorder, but she just cant seem to stop nagging at me at all. Why dont she just try talking to me about why im behaving like this so recently, seriously. I hate this feeling, its like there's something i want to say but i just cant seem to at all, i want turn things back. The hole in my heart, cant be cured. Its killing me, tearing me apart. I guess i shall just end here, i just cant seem to get the love i want. Or even anything at all.



    Monday, December 7, 2009

    Only love can stay, try again or walk away. ♥ @ 3:23 AM
    Im not a fighter, but i'll fight for what i love.

    Last night did midnight closing with Zarool, and Shamira. Sent Mira to her house first, then send me to Sjb next. Met Elgin and Bao. Helped Faveboy tagged heart abit. Then was really hungry so went to eat prata with Bao. Played audi and chatted much with Kel, and Ghost! Since really long we last talked. Fell asleep, wokeup around 8plus got shocked seeing Superbaby at the counter. :b Loveloves! Miss you loads too la. Playing audi, and i fell asleep in Superbaby's arms unknowingly. Sorry dear. Slept more, went home bathe and off to work. I love hugs! And my uniform stinks of popcorn because i had to cook popcorn alone yesterday with abit of Milo's help!

    Today was quite slacked actually, used my own counter for the first time. Darryl and Cymon dad came over to watch movie. & Guess what? Darryl caught that donald duck i wanted for me okay! I was like so damn fucking touched. Thanks Darryl, it really made my day. :) They waited for me and Cuiwen to finish work and go home together too. Concess was damn shitty today. Keep count wrong la. Wanted to go Sjb but changed mind. Too tired already. Later going movie with Family! Meeting Nick Bro too. Hope i'll have a very happy day unlike now, feeling so shagged. Stressed & very confused. Sighs. Wishing all of this will go away soon. Maybe im happy like that.



    Saturday, December 5, 2009

    Its safe to say that I’m ready to let you leave. @ 4:20 AM
    Thanks for letting me free, finally.
    Im happy being who i am, without restrictions, without being under control. Im glad, im once again free. Appreciated your effort in all, really do. Thanks a million, it really meant alot to me. :)

    Thursday, went down safra with BabyCous. Met Xuange, Elgin, Hubby, Deric, Priscilla, Jane & Bao. Pooled. Slacked, dinner, Gin's house. Amk celebrate someone's birthday. Then ton at lan.

    Not in the best of mood this two days, bad things just keep accumulating. Last night was like hell. It was like one thing after another making me upset, till i had to urge to use every strength that i had. Terrible, confused, and broken. Sleeping at lan isnt a very good choice, my back is aching so badly right now. Work next. Baby Cousin, Hubby and Co. came over for movie. Darryl came over too and shocked me badly. How i wish it was him. Darryl and Eugene waited for me finish work. So did Baby Cousin, Hubby and Co. at the arcade. Wanted my donald duck, was giving up after a few tries. But Darryl shocked me again, went change more money just to catch the donald duck for me. Didnt catch until, but its okay. Thanks Darryl for cheering me up. Slacked. Went back to arcade meet Yang and back to work place wait Zul, Milo, & Shamira. Ate donuts! And bused back home with Zul & Milo. Thanks Milo for that shoulder, it cheered me up loads. And waking me up in the bus too! Smiles. Hope Zul's alright too and dont fall sick! Hm, thats about it i guess? Haha.
    -

    Special Thanks, ♥
    Somehow, just really want thank some special people in my life. How i looked past them and all. I do appreciate every help that was given in. Love you guys. Honestly do. Im glad i have friends. :)

    First, its obviously Violet Lim Zi Yan. Though she cant see this. But i truly do miss her loads and lots and is grateful to whatever she had done for me before. She's the most important one in my life before, and still is now. Regretted replacing her with someone else. But not anymore. Girl i love you & forever will. Those memories are forever etched in my heart. Always. Come out soon. It has been 2years 4months and couting my baby. I'll be here waiting for you no matter what!

    2) Cymon Mah Shi Wen, Daddy. \m/ Though we've only been close recently. But somehow, i just seem to tell you stuffs first. Confide in you and everything. Thanks for always comforting me and holding up with my nonsense. Saying things that i wouldnt even mean, or do. Making it annoying when i keep repeating myself. Sorry yeah. I love you dad, the bestest awesumest! :b Thanks for those macdonald treats too. Also making me fall in love with beef jerky & unagi luhs!

    3) Mak Cuiwen, Darling. Same as daddy. Though we've not been close for really long yet. But we have bonded really well somehow in the weirdest way. And also by working together and all. Ha, though we've not been meeting often anymore because Leonard! But its okay. I understand, my Darling. Shared many secrets and thoughts together. Love you always too.

    4) Joresar Poh Xin Ping, Babe. Thanks for giving me advices and all. Love those starbucks time that we had. Girls are not so easily bullied. I learnt that lesson. Im going to be strong, live on.

    5) Jolyn Baobei & Ahqiang Brother. This sweet little couple is always making me smile without any fail. Thanks la! For always being there for me too. Lovely! Really hope you guys will last long long long long till forever and marry. I'll be the bridesmaid and makeup artist! Loveloves.

    To that very last special someone, what you've did all this while. Its not that cannot see, not that i dont give a fucking damn. I know, i know everything. Ignorance is the best solution. Hopefully, i have made the right choice this time. Dont want things to get more ugly and more difficult for us. Hate me all you want for making me do all this which i really didnt want to. But im left with none other than this decision i have made right now. This is the end of all of it, hopefully. Cheers. :) <3

    Ahboy, Jerry, Tw, Xuange, Andre, Chongyong, Katty, Darryl. Sorry if missed out names.
    Pictures and other more, will be uploaded on the next post. Please be patient. Thank you. Loves!



    Friday, December 4, 2009

    My love could have been enough. @ 5:31 AM
    You want to care, you want to control?
    Please wait until you're my boyfriend then talk. Thankyou. :)



    Tuesday, December 1, 2009

    You left thinking that i would be happy. @ 3:49 AM
    Some kind soul, name DJ gave me something to update for today. Thanks alot to the egoistic DJ! :b


    He said i was an vampire just because i sleep mostly in the day. I had nothing to blog so he asked me to blog about my night of sucking blood. Cute thing was that i said blog about sucking his blood and he said yes, knuckled to that and realised that he knuckled to me killing him. Nice! (Y)
    -

    I was late for work again. Broke my promise. Sorry! Did snackbar, time passed really fast. Noah came find me. Busstop meet Zul, Mira and Milo! Bused, and cabbed to sjb meet Superbaby. Ginn & Bao was there too. Slacked, played, and slept. Thanks Superbaby for caring. Its really not your fault alright. Moment of anger and i walked off. Forgive me! Finally ate long awaited Mayouji too! Memories. Tanwei and Junwei came down look for us. I fell in love with Br but deproved much when i got home. Headed home, Darryl called too late. Wanted have prata with him but in cab already when he called back. Another time alright, haha! Kailin never forgot you this friend la. ♥
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